Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
