God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
