you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
