We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
