Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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