Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
