also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
