i don't like sucking hair
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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