I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
