Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
