you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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