You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
