Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
