every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
