her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
