Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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