I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I want to be your penis for a week.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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