Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
