Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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