The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
