i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
