Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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