We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
