I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
