dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
