OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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