Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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