could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
