I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
