My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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