you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
