He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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