I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
