The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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