White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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