Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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