Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
