john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
