How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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