Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
