We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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