hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
