Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
