I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
