I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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