I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
