Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
