Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
