Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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