Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
