I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
